Wednesday, October 28, 2009

What Would Jesus Do, Besides Blow Them All To Hell…..

Over time, I have seen several Facebook posts proclaiming devotion to Jesus Christ. Now I don’t have a problem with the devotion. I get a little annoyed with the proclamations. It’s not a big deal but something about it strikes me as irritating. I love my Harley. But I don’t put posts on Facebook shouting it to the world and asking for hoots from everyone else who loves theirs. I guess it’s kind of a personal deal. But again, it’s not a major irritant.

Now, on the other hand, there are bumper stickers. I actually wrote a letter to the editor of the now defunct “Eastside Journal” about what I’m about to tee off on. They are far more irritating than the Facebook posts. I think my “favorite” is the one that states “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”. Basically it says the rest of us are fucked (for the record, I’m a baptized and confirmed Lutheran… but I don’t “practice”, so I don’t know if I’m fucked or not. I like to think I’m not. Why? Because I’m a NICE GUY). Then there is the fish. I thought it was a riot when the Darwin fish came out. You know, the one with little legs and feet? But then, the Christians came out with the Christian fish EATING the Darwin fish. I think it said “survival of the fittest”. That was funny too. At least initially. Then I started mulling over that “turning the other cheek” stuff. I mean that Darwin chomping Christian fish is a little aggressive don’t you think? The Darwin fish wasn’t kicking the shit out of the Christian fish. The Christian fish wasn’t even pictured. The Darwin fish was just minding his own business. Why the hostility?

I had an idea I wish I’d followed up on. Maybe I will some day. If any of you do this and it takes off, I expect royalties. I was going to show the Christian fish eating the Darwin fish. Then put a big ass fish behind the Christian fish humping the shit out of it. Maybe even show a little pecker. Under it I’d put something like “now THIS is survival of the fittest”. I wonder what their answer to that one would be. An even bigger fish gobbling up the whole humping mess?

I saw one once that immediately pissed me off to the point where I was actually trying to catch the guy and give him a ration of shit. I was with my wife and we were on our way to a Sonics game (remember them…. Thanks a lot Howard Schultz you fucking idiot… if you don’t understand, Google Sonics/Howard Schultz). Had to give up the chase or miss the opening tip off. What it said was “My God can beat up your God”. Can you fucking believe it? It’s probably a good thing I didn’t catch the asshole. I mean, that’s taking the religious bumper sticker to a whole new level. Borderline dangerous really. It’s like pasting a sign on your back that says “kick my ass, I’m a douche bag”. Now to be fair, nowhere did it say he was a Christian. But I’m guessing he was because, well, the next paragraph tells you why.

I really need to ask why we don’t see more bumper stickers from other religious groups. I’ve never seen a “Jews Rule” or an “Allah’s ‘the bomb” bumper sticker have you? How about “Say hey Buddha, he ‘da man!” Maybe “Mormons… the other white meat”. Or “Give it up for the LDSs. We’ll hang out on your front porch when no one else will”. How come whenever I see a religious bumper sticker it’s a Christian bumper sticker? Is it what my mother used to call (when I was “acting out”) an attention getting thing? Is it a “neener, neener, neener, I’m a Christian and you’re not” kind of thing? Does anyone know what’s up with these stupid bumper stickers? You know the nice chrome fish you see stuck to the back of cars? Have you ever seen a chrome Star of David?

And please don’t bring up the gay pride stickers or the NASCAR stickers or the “my kid’s an honor student stickers”. Yeah, these can be annoying too. But they aren’t religions. It’s one thing to think Fords are better than Chevys. It’s another thing entirely to say your religion is better than someone else’s. I go to an annual Men’s Weekend with some close friends. We’ve been doing it for around 15 years. All we do is play poker, golf, and eat. It’s definitely a “guys in the cave” type of deal. We have golf shirts made up that say “12th Annual Men’s Weekend (or 13th, or 14th, whatever). One year we did hats too. There are two brothers who sometimes attend. They look a little alike. Both have short cropped hair. On the buff side of thin. Well, imagine them driving to the golf course, side by side, in their little “matchie-poo” golf shirts and golf hats, interacting as brothers are wont to do. Now place them around 30 minutes out of Ocean Shores Washington (very rural) where we do this thing. I can guarantee you there aren’t many democrats out there. Finally, imagine me placing a magnetic bumper sticker on the back of their car that says “Honk if you like gay porn”. Yeah, I did it. Now THAT was FUNNY.

But my point….. I think I’ll make you wait until tomorrow for my point. This post is long enough. Consider the title of the blog your clue and stay tuned!

Common Sense

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