Fred Rogers WILL Hurt You...

Hello again. I don’t know exactly what to talk about today but I’m feeling pressure to write so let’s see what happens.

I guess the hot topic would be the election. Wow, what a serious ass kicking. And it’s so incredibly sad because things were starting to get a little better. But we’ve been down this road before and I’m somewhat deflated on the subject so let’s just say that the Republicans own the house and will unless (until?) they show us they don’t know what to do with it. Then we can only hope the tide rolls the other way. Later on I’ll cite yet another reason why. But first….

I received an email recently about a Lee Marvin appearance on The Tonight Show back when Carson was king. In the email, it says that Johnny questioned Lee on his heroism and subsequent wounding during the invasion of Iwo Jima. Lee did his humble, mumbly, bumbly, thing (those of you old enough to remember him know what I’m talking about) and briefly commented on getting wounded in the posterior (ass for those of us less genteel). He then went on to highly praise someone he truly deemed to be a hero. He spoke of this guy facing fire and encouraging his troops and on, and on, and on. Then he says this hero is none other than Bob Keeshan. You know Bob. Yes you do. You know him as Captain Kangaroo.

So, it’s a lovely email that tells a lovely story of two war heroes. I’m sure you can find it if you Google mumbly, bumbly. OK, maybe that won’t work but you will likely get a hit if you Google Marvin and Keeshan. You will also get hits on Snopes and Snopes like sites that explain the story is false. Not completely mind you… but mostly. Lee Marvin did serve in the Pacific and was in fact wounded in the derriere (again, that’s ass for you and me). He did not take part in the invasion of Iwo though. He landed on Saipan.

The other fallacy is that he never met or observed Captain Kangaroo (who I’m guessing was Private Kangaroo at the time) in combat. In fact, the good captain enlisted too late to see action. Shortly after he enlisted we dropped the bomb… then did it again for good measure…. And the war was over.

Now, I don’t have a problem with the story per se. I mean no one is claiming that Lee and the Captain were raging child molesters. Nobody accused them of heinous crimes against humanity. Nobody said they were traitors or served less than honorably. It’s really all quite positive. BUT, why the fuck do people make this stuff up? Is there somebody out there who just has a huge “man crush” on one or both of these guys and felt the need to enlarge their legacies? Were they not quite good enough in someone’s eyes and therefore in need of some polishing? Are there people out there that wake up and say “Hmmmmm… I think I’ll make up a story about Lee Marvin and that Kangaroo fellow today”.

Hang on, it gets better. After the Lee/Private Kangaroo story, the “author” (unpublished I’m guessing) goes on to tell us a little bit about Mr. Rogers. Yes that Mr. Rogers. Apparently Gentle Fred was actually a blood thirsty former Nave Seal who served in Viet Nam and had 25 confirmed kills to his name! That’s right… don’t fuck around in “the neighborhood” or you’ll wind up bleeding out in a dumpster. The long sleeved shirts and cardigans were used to cover the many tattoos the psycho had amassed over the years. I can see it now. The director yells “that’s a wrap” and Fred immediately tears off his shirt and sweater, flexes his mighty pectorals and biceps, and sticks a Ka-Bar into a squealing live pig while screaming “I’m killing you ya fucking pig! I’m killing you slow, right here on the stage in front of all these freaked out kids! And what the fuck are you kids staring at? You wanna be next? Yeah baby! When I’m done here I think I’ll go kill something else!” Thanks Fred but I think I’ll pass on the “Won’t you be my neighbor” invite.

What? Huh? That’s not true either? No tattoos? No military service? No KILLS? Well why the hell would somebody make that shit up! What gives with these assholes? What do they expect to gain? Are they just completely fucking nuts? I think that’s likely it. They’re nuts. And speaking of nuts….

Have you heard about Illinois Representative John Shimkus? He’s a Republican who is seeking the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee (remember, I promised “more on that later" concerning why we want the Democrats to take back the House). According to Mr. Shimkus we have nothing to fear from global warming or climate change of any kind. Why? Because it says in the Bible that God promised Noah that he would never again destroy the world. He just wanted this one shot at a flood of epic proportions and then that would be it. What else has Shimkus said? Well, he’s indicated that seeing people in his home state ice fishing is PROOF that global warming is a hoax. He’s also said that we exhale CO2 and wants to know if that should be made illegal (OK, he’s kidding… but the joke conveys his brilliant analysis on the effects of CO2).

Listen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (and likely again, and again, and again). I have absolutely NO problem with an individual’s religious beliefs. What I have a problem with is when those beliefs start to close in on my personal space! I do not want this guy making decisions that affect me. I mean let’s look closely at what this dim wit is saying. Basically what he is saying is that we can all go ahead and launch our nukes… all of them…. How many thousands are out there now? I don’t even know but I bet it’s a shit load. So let’s all launch because God promised Noah it would be cool. Either they won’t detonate, or the cumulative affect will be negligible.

I think it’s possible for a biblical scholar to pretty much argue ANY position by quoting the bible. For example, Shimkus says God won’t allow the destruction of the world because he promised Noah. But wait a minute! Aren’t there other passages in the Bible that say naughty behavior will make God angry enough to take us out? Doesn’t he threaten to smite us? Doesn’t smite mean kick ass? And if Shimkus argues God will protect us, can’t it also be argued that God helps those that help themselves. How about the nutcases that quote scripture in defense of their hatred of gays and lesbians? Doesn’t it say in the Bible that God loves everyone? I don’t think it says God loves everyone, except the people God doesn’t love. If it does, could someone point me in that direction?

I think a lot of people like to quote that bracelet that says WWJD? Just in case one of you have been in a cave for the last 40 years it stands for What would Jesus do. Anyway, they like to quote it while walking around doing stuff that Jesus wouldn’t do! But this does illustrate just how important the separation of Church and State really is. If we’re not careful we might wind up with too much representation like John Shimkus and boy oh boy will we ever be fucked then!


Peace,
Common Sense