Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Charlie Wilson's War? No, not THAT Charlie Wilson!

I consider myself fortunate to live in the state of Washington. Sure, it gets gloomy in the winter… and sometimes the fall… and the spring can be a little wet too. But the summers are awesome and the people incredibly laid back. Too laid back sometimes. The driving lacks an aggression I grew up with in New York. But for the most part, laid back is good. So where did this guy come from?

On Monday, April 5th, charges were filed against a Washington man named Charles Alan Wilson for threatening a federal official. The charge was based on a series of voicemails left for Senator Patty Murray. Mr. Wilson was apparently displeased with the outcome of the vote on healthcare. I thought it might be fun to list them and offer my interpretation of what exactly they mean. The text of the messages was taken directly from the court filings. That’s right, this shit is real.

Two things immediately came to mind (a whole bunch of stuff gradually came to mind but I’ll stick to the immediate things). First, this is an example of the people that were so very much against the health care bill. Based on what I’ve read and observed, it’s not really an anomaly. There are a lot of these nut jobs out there. The second thing, and this is really scary, is that this guy is packing heat! Yeah, you can read the court filing in its entirety (here it is ) and see for yourself. At the end they confirm that the guy has a permit to carry. It also explains how they caught Dr. Einstein… I mean Mr. Wilson. First they subpoenaed phone company records to determine incoming calls to the Senator’s office. Then they matched up times with the voicemail messages. Finally, posing as a member of an organization attempting to repeal the bill, an undercover FBI agent phoned Mr. Wilson and asked if they could record a call and Wilson agreed they could. He then went on to use much of the same language, analogies, and descriptive phrases he used in the voicemails. That, combined with the fact that the voices matched exactly, proved to be Wilson’s undoing.

Now, before we begin, I want to point out that I was displeased with my congressman’s vote. He voted against the bill as did the rest of his party. I did exactly what Mr. Wilson did. I called his office. There are two differences however. I pointed out I was disappointed and would not be voting for the congressman again and I did not get into the detail that Mr. Wilson did. And I only called once. Wilson called sixteen times!

Please be advised that Mr. Wilson uses language that makes me look like a Disney character. He even uses a word that I find to be so vile and offensive that I have probably only uttered it a handful of times in my entire life… and every time I have it’s made me shudder with self loathing. I didn’t spell that one out. So, off we go!

Message #1.

“I hope you realize there’s a target on your back now. There are many people out there that want you dead. Just remember that as you are politicking for your re-election. It only takes one piece of lead…. Kill the fucking senator! Kill the fucking senator! I’ll donate the lead…. Now that you’ve passed your health-care bill, let the violence begin. Let the violence begin. There’s people gonna get hurt over this son of a bitch. We, the people, will not subside, succumb to socialism. Let the violence begin. You will find out and you will actually really pay. You have awakened a sleeping giant. The American people will not put up with it. We are not a country of cowards, as one of the high ranking people of this administration says. You’ll find out how fucking cowardly we really are, my dear. Better get under your desk, get on your (unintelligible).”


I’m a moron and I own a gun.

Message #2

“With the passing of your health-care bill, it is living proof now that this great country that believes in God and guns. Since you’ve done this, there’s going to be some bigger targets on your fucking back…. I hope somebody kills you, and I hope somebody kills [the President]. Yes, die, dead. You’re signing my death warrant, so I want to sign yours, fucking bitch.”


I have trouble speaking English, I voted for McCain, and I’m a moron.

Message #3

“As you grow older you are going to have a target on your back forever, for voting in socialism into this country with your health-care bill and your cap’n tax. You’re gonna have a target on your back for the rest of your life. How long do you think you can hide? Yes, for the rest of your life. And there is going to be-it could be a senior citizen, could be a veteran, could be a mad momma, an upset momma. By your attempts to overtake this country with socialism, somebody’s gonna get to you one way or another and blow your fucking brains out, and I hope it does happen. If I have the chance, I would do it. You have created a hatred in this country against socialism, and you low-life backstabbing, lying, cheating, politicians are going to be held accountable. And hopefully it is with your life. I hope it’s with your life. I hope somebody takes your fucking fat ass fucking out, I really do. And it’s just my belief. I’m not a tea party bagger. I’m an independent U.S. voter. I’m neither Republican nor Democrat. I hope you fucking die. I want to fucking kill you. I hope somebody fucking hangs you, blows your fucking brains out. We will not be socialized, you fucking c..t. Get it through your fucking brains head. You have – you are a marked person for the rest of your fucking life, you fucking slut.”


My mad momma hates me and I killed small animals as a child. AND I really, really, really, like the target on your back analogy. Oh, and I’m not a “tea party bagger”… I’m a moron….. and I think you sleep around.

Message # 4

“Kill the fucking Senator! Hang the fucking Senator! I hope somebody puts a bullet between your fucking eyes. Far left liberal socialist democratic bitch. You mother-fucker. You sold the fucking people of the country out for socialism. I hope somebody fucking erasers your fucking life. Yes, I hope somebody assassinates you, you fucking bitch.”


I like to use the f word more that that liberal fucking blogger Common Sense! I’d like to save one bullet for the space between that rat bastards eyes. And I like sentence fragments. And I find socialism irritating. And I think “erasers your fucking life” is a fun way of saying “kills you”.

Message #5

“In watching how this government works, this is not a striking and what you’re doing to this country, I surely hope somebody puts a fucking bullet through your fucking brain. I hope they blow your fucking brain all over the fucking wall. Yes, I hope somebody assassinates you. I wish Somebody would kill you…. I wish somebody would blow your ass off the face of the fucking earth. Yes, assassinate you. I wish somebody would blow your fucking brains out…. Not only do I say ‘Kill the bill!’ I say ‘Kill the fucking Senator! Hang the fucking bitch! Hang that mother-fucking bitch from a fucking gallows! Kill the bill, kill the Senator too.”


You know that King Crimson group that does that prog rock shit? They do a song that goes “ I repeat myself when I’m distressed, I repeat myself when I’m distressed, I repeat…” They’re talking about me!!!! And I still have trouble with English. And I’d like to kick the shit out of that asshole Common Sense! Kill the blogger! Kill the fucking blogger!

Message #6

“I do believe that every one of you mother-fucking socialist democratic progressive mother-fuckers need to be taken out. Put in front of a fucking firing squad and shot between the fucking eyes. Assassinated, you fucking low-life. There is a growing hatred, my dear, for you progressive socialist democrats. Socialism will not work. There is a growing hatred. And guess who caused it? You, you! My hatred is coming from you, you fucking slut. Since you are going to put my life at risk, and some bureaucrat is going to determine my health-care, your life is at risk, dear. Yes, your life is at risk. There are a lot more of us. There are a lot of crazy people out there, and your security may stay with you for a long time, but somebody will get through. You never know. Your life is in danger, since you’re putting my life in danger. Turn about’s fair play.”


I have anger issues and still wear a diaper. And I’d vote for Sarah Palin in a heartbeat! I hear she can put a bullet between the eyes of a “mother-fucking socialist democratic progressive mother-fucker” with a slingshot at two hundred yards! And I’m not just a moron… I’m a CRAZY moron amongst other CRAZY morons! Fuckity fuck fuck!

Message #7

“Fuck you socialists up the ass. You’re dead fucking meat, Murray! You’re dead fucking meat! Baby killer, Murray. I hope somebody gets through your security and blows your fucking brains out, you fucking baby killing fucking bitch. Yeah, you fucking spineless fucking whore. You Pike Street fucking whore. I hope sombody gets through your security and blows your fucking brains out, you fucking baby killer. Blows your fucking brains out. We will not be socialized, you fuking c…t. Get it through your fucking head. You have – You are a marked person for the rest of your fucking life, you fucking slut.


I am having a homo-erotic fantasy about socialists. And it suddenly strikes me you might be a baby killer! Somebody call the cops! Oh, and you turn tricks on Pike Street… and I repeat myself when I’m distressed, I repeat myself when I’m distressed, …… did I mention I’m a moron?

Message #8

“Senator, you just got done fucking the people of this state, the senior citizens of this country and most everybody else, to satisfy your idealogical ideas. We are going to fuck you up. We are going to fuck you up as bad as we can. Yes, the independents. The real people of this country, not you spineless fucking socialists. You better watch your fucking back, baby, because there’s people gonna come after you with fucking both fucking barrles, bitch. You fucking Pike Street whore.”


I’m fucking, you’re fucking, everybody’s fucking! And where the hell did I come up with Pike Street whore? What am I… nuts?

Message #9

“Somebody is eventually gonna get through your security and put a fucking gun to your head, and hopefully I will be able to watch somebody blow your fucking brains out. You’re so fucking ignorant. I would actually pay to help that person, you fucking sleeze-ball fucking c..t. You are ruining this country. You have awakened a sleeping giant and we are coming after you. Yes, we the people. As you trash our Constitution, you tried to lead us into a socialistic nation, we’re gonna fuck you up. We’re gonna fuck you up so fucking bad, you’re gonna be fucking….. I hope somebody gets through your security and blows your fucking brains out. Yes, I truly, really, with all my heart, hopefull somebody does that.”


So, to rehash my sentiments for the umpteenth time… fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking…..

Message #10

“The old saying goes, my dear, all’s fair in love and war. This is war, so everything is fair. Cover your back. You better have eyes in the back of your head. Cover your back, all’s fair in love and war. Nobody comes out a winner. You may think you’re a winner now. You’re gonna be the biggest fucking loser. Youhave a horrendous amount of people that dislike you and your policies, and since we are, you have declared war on the American citizens, and we are declaring war upon you. Watch your back.”


Wise men saaaay only fools rush innnnn…..
But I can't help, falling in love with yoooooou……

Message #11

“Now that you have finally screwed the people of this State and helped screw the people of this country, I hope that you are very, very proud of yourself. You’ll go down in the annals of time as one of the most fantastic Pike Street whores that Washington has ever had. I want to thank you so much for ruining my life and yes, for killing babies. Voting on a bill that kills babies, you ought to be very, very proud of yourself. That’s what you should run on from this Fall as you run around town in your sneaker shoes. Yes, uh, it’s not that I hate you. I’ve never met you. But your policies and your ideals suck. Yes. In your dying days, I hope it turns around and bites you in the fucking ass so fucking hard, you fucking c..t.”


I’m still fucking, you’re still fucking, even the Pike Street whores are still fucking! We’re just a bunch of fucking fucks! Fuckin’ Aaaaaaaay! Did I really say “sneaker shoes”?

Message #12

“I hope we shove this health-care bill so far down your throat. You shoved it down our throat, we’re gonna shove it up your ass. Yes, we’re gonna shove it right up your ass. We’re gonna take your ass out of office. That way, you cannot harm us any more. Maybe I will not have to go to the end-of-life classes that you have planned for us. Because you’re gonna be there some day, too, yourself. So you better study up, my dear.”


You shove the health-care in, you shove the health care out, you shove the health care in, and you shake it all about… do the hokey pokey as you shove it down your throat…no wait, your ass, yeah, your ass…. That’s what it’s all about! Now excuse me. I’m late for Sarah Palin’s lecture on death panels.

Message # 13

Yes Patty, I hope you choke on your health-care bill. We’re choking on it. Yes, me are a senior citizen on social security and medicare. I want to thank you so much, very very much, for signing my death warrant. You, you have given me so much in your career, I don’t know how to thank you. Oh, gee, thank you so much. I, I just love this new health-care bill. I’m glad I finally got to state that I need to go pass away when I have out-lived my usefulness you, you. Yes, that makes me so glad. At least I know that I will be taken care of, you know, in the after-life….. It’s sad to say, but uh, we won’t go down without a fight. A big fight, and it can hurt people. You’re already hurting me, so when I’m hurt, I want to hurt back. And I think that turn-about’s fair play…. Thank you so much for signing my death warrant. Too bad It’s not yours.


Me are a senior citizen on social security and medicare. Gooby gooby gagga woo woo yaka yaka weeeeeeeee!

Message #14

“Senator….. Fuck you. You are fired. You are 86’ed. Fuck you, you Pike Street fucking whore. You fucking slut. Come over to Yakima and list-Come on down to Grandview and get some more spit dick there, you old fucking c..t.”


Hey! I think I’m Donald Trump! Gotta go buy me one of them thar fancy hair pieces! And has anyone seen my little “spit dick”? I was going to use that next time I went down to Pike Street!

Message #15

“Fuck you liberals. We’re gonna take you out, Murray. We’re gonna take you out. Fuck you, God damn liberals.”


Might I interest you in dinner and a movie?

Message #16

“Oh, you were in Yakima last week. How come you didn’t give a big speech to the people outside waiting to see you? Yeah, we were outside waiting for you, hopefully you would come out and explain to us how come this health-care bill that you railed on so highly is going to create the biggest drain in American history. It’s going to cause so much pain and suffering. I would like to thank you so much, for robbing from me and putting on my childrens’ plate the most ridiculous, underhanded, back-door lying, cheating, unconstitutional. Fuck you, you fucking slut, you fucking c..t. I wish you the fucking pain I am going through. I wish it upon you. I hope you had the worst fucking Easter of your entire fucking life. We are coming after you , bitch, taking you out of fucking office. We are going to remove you from doing any more damage to the people that you are supposed to represent, not rule. Fuck you c..t, you fucking Pike Street fucking slut.”


Tonight for dinner, me and the kids are having a heaping helping of “ridiculous, underhanded,back-door lying, cheating, unconstitutional” with a side of “fucking slut”. When you get a minute, could you let me know your thoughts on whether or not I used the words fucking and fuck enough? I’d count them… but golly there’s a passle of ‘em… and you know?... I have that moron thing going….. Oh! Happy Easter!

So there you have it. The saga of Charles Alan Wilson, the fucking, mother-fucking, fucky, fuck fuck and his fucking brilliant orations on that fucking health bill and that fucking fuck of a fucking Pike Street fucking whore. Fucking brings a fucking, mother-fucking, fucking slut fucking tear to your fucking eye doesn’t it? Fuck yeah it fucking does. Let’s hope the fucker gets twenty fucking years to find out just how fucking fucky fucking prison can fucking be! He’ll be fucking singing the fucking praises of fucking Murray and that fucking health care bill after his first visit to the fucking proctologist!


Common Sense

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