Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Beware The Dreaded Scales of Doom….And the Semi Naked Baristas Too

Some things just amaze me. I was watching the 11:00 news tonight and they were sensationalizing two problems that appear to have absolutely no effect on anyone. It both amused and annoyed the hell out of me. They had devoted two segments of time to nothing. I mean nothing. It fits right in with my post on FOX yesterday. But it wasn’t FOX. It was KOMO News 4. What did they cover you ask? Well let me tell you…

Some consumer advocate reporter guy went to Sea-Tac airport to expose the inaccuracies of the scales used to weigh your baggage. They are apparently regulated by the state Board Of Weights And Measures. The board however says that they are supposed to be notified if any scales show inaccuracies or don’t reset to zero. Plus, any malfunctioning scales should immediately be taken out of service. So of course, I’m expecting to see the uncovering of a huge rip off. As you all know, airlines are charging for checked baggage now. There is a 50 pound limit on each bag and if you go over you pay extra. The fee ranged from 39 bucks (either Northwest or Southwest, I don’t recall) to a whopping 125 bucks charged by those “friendly” skies of United.

So, Consumer Advocate Guy goes to “Chief Scale Guy” at the Board of Weights and Measures. They rig a bag with dumbbells and socks (yeah, dumbbells and socks… and I think a teddy bear… I didn’t get it either) so it weighs 50 pounds. Then Consumer Advocate Guy goes to the airport and starts checking on scales. To everyone’s horror there are a big bunch of scales that don’t reset to zero. These scales are supposed to be reported and taken out of service remember. But shame on the airlines. They haven’t followed procedure and have left those thieving monstrosities in operation. In almost every case, the number they reset to was the difference in the registered weight. In other words, if the scale reset to 1.5 pounds, the bag weighed in at 51.5 pounds. Reset to 2 pounds and the bag weighed in at 52 pounds. In some cases, the scales reset to a negative. But there too, if it reset to -1 pound, the bag weighed in at 49 pounds. You get the picture. It’s like a set up! A huge conspiracy to rip us off even more than the charge of the checked bag fee.

Except it didn’t happen. In fact, Consumer Advocate Guy even stated that there were NO instances where the airline was going to charge. He even tried to goad someone into charging him. The scale reset to 2.5, the bag weighed in at 52.5, and he point blank stated “Uh oh… you’re going to charge me aren’t you”. The ticket agent said “Nah, 52.5 is OK”. It was like watching a poorly scripted comedy skit. WTF is KOMO thinking? Are they ripping a page from the FOX News playbook and trying to inflame the masses with this huge problem of inaccurate measures at the airport? This is news? “Hey everybody! The airlines are putting themselves into a position where they could rip you off…. If they wanted to… but apparently they don’t want to… so they’re not ripping you off”! Is this pathetic or what?

So, on to the next item. There was a coffee stand that operated not far from my son’s high school. My daughter is in middle school now but when she was in elementary, it was right on the way when I dropped her off. It was an independent drive through that sat in a gas station lot. I like independents. They represent the American way. The little guy trying to take down Starbucks a few notches. Plus, I’m boycotting Starbucks since their head honcho Howard Schultz sold our Sonics to a scumbag from Oklahoma City and to no ones amazement they moved the team to Oklahoma City (they’re the Thunder now). Well, it either went under or they sold it because suddenly it became a framework of 2x4’s. But it was there for quite awhile. My wife and I bought quite a few lattes there when we took the kids to school. It operated for years without any apparent problems and no one batted an eye.

Well, it’s back. But it’s changed hands. Ironically, I actually saw it today because I had to attend a meeting at my son’s school and drove right by. It’s now “Knotty Bodies Espresso”. The baristas (one who makes and serves coffee drinks for you non Seattle people… I think we drink more coffee here that the entire population of Columbia) are attractive young women in bikini tops and thongs. Well, the locals are up in arms! The news covered the story and showed the throngs at City Hall threatening to boycott the place and the gas station it sits in. And you guessed it… there are suddenly “permitting problems” that might hamper its operation. They are saying it isn’t even legal to drive through and get coffee! You need to walk through. Funny how the last place didn’t have any permitting problems isn’t it? It’s the same shack with a different exterior in the same location. I guess the last one got lucky and operated illegally for 5 or more years.

But here’s the fun part. When I drove by, there was a guy with a camera who I assumed was taking promo shots for the grand opening or something. Wrong. Some genius had the idea that it would discourage people to frequent the place if there was a threat that their picture might suddenly pop up on the Internet buying coffee from some babe in a bikini. Is this person living in an alternative universe? Shit, I’ve been really laying off the coffee lately but I plan on cruising through the place tomorrow on the off chance that I may become an Internet sensation. I’ll even wave at the camera! I might even wave more than one finger!

So what we have here is a classic example of the media fueling the moronic masses into a frenzy over what isn’t really news at all. The last time I checked public nudity laws didn’t cover bikinis. They covered nudity. Here’s a suggestion. If you don’t want to buy your coffee from a babe in a bikini…. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE PLACE! Oh yeah, they are trying to bolster their case because the gas station, and therefore the bikini babes, sits near a park. Of course the only window to the joint is facing away from the direction of the park. And it’s a little window (even though some wimpy Mama’s boy who likely was wearing a pocket protector referred to it as a “fish bowl”… trust me, it’s not). So of course anyone under the age of 18 who happens to catch a glimpse of these bikini babes is destined to a life of sexual perversion. Why? Because they aren’t at the beach! It’s common knowledge that seeing a bikini babe at the beach is OK but that if you remove the bikini babe from the beach she becomes a Medusa that drives our youth into a life of crime and debauchery. You didn’t know that? Just ask Rush Limbaugh. He’ll explain it to you if he isn’t too wasted on Oxy. This kind of stuff drives me nuts!

Look for me on the Internet. I’ll be holding a quad grande non-fat latte and sporting a “shit eatin’ grin”. Oh, I might have a finger up too.


Common Sense

1 comment:

  1. Voice of Reason,

    I'm a journalist from France 24's Observers website. I came across this so called story about the Knotty Bodies stand in Bellevue. I'm seeking a comment from a rational mind in the area... You seem to be the only one! Can I take an extract from your blog?

    Please get back to me on spilgrim@france24.com.

    Thank you,