Friday, September 4, 2009

School Daze.

I’m reading with mild amusement the arguments against President Obama’s scheduled speech to school children next week. That’s right, more fodder. Are these people really this stupid? What are they afraid he’s going to say? I thought maybe I would put together a list of things that should be forbidden so we don’t upset our conservative friends.

1. “If Mommy and Daddy voted for John McCain they don’t really love you”. Maybe it’s true. I mean an argument can be made that a vote for McCain was a vote for the same old shit and the same old shit wasn’t working. Therefore, the future may not have looked all that bright. And if the future doesn’t look bright, what’s in it for the kids? So I guess a vote for McCain really was a statement that you don’t love your kids. But it’s inflammatory so I hope he doesn’t say it.

2. “The last guy was going to do this but his advisors pointed out that English wasn’t his strong suit and most of you kids are smarter than him”. Also true. But divisive. Those on the right might find it unfair that their last guy could barely speak and the subsequent embarrassment would do nothing to increase support for the current administration so he should avoid any mention of THE MORON (my nickname for GW).

3. “Republicans are dumber than you”. Now, this is not always true. I know a lot of very intelligent Republicans. Some of them are stand up guys. But some of them are very greedy. And others might not be all that honest. But there are intelligent Republicans out there. We just don’t notice them that often because of all the idiots screaming about socialism, the funding of the illegal alien war machine, and the Godless Satanic Worship services that go on behind closed doors in the White House. So, even though it’s basically true, he shouldn’t say it. It might call even more attention to the morons which will incite other morons which could create some kind of “moron movement” which I’m guessing he is trying to avoid by speaking to school children in the first place.

4. “Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter are lying sacks of shit”. Uh... Wait. He can say that.

5. “I want to give a shout out to Ray, Squiggie, and Killa’, my brothers in ‘da hood”. Yeah, I think it would be hysterical. But the joke would go right over the heads of most Americans and the right would be screaming “See! We told you so!”

6. “Hello my little Jihadists! Salaam Alaikum!” I think the aforementioned Rush and Anne would have a field day with this. Another joke to be avoided.

7. “You know, when I was your age, I was in a Muslim school learning how to kill “Whitie”. See #’s 5 & 6 above. Jokes are not a good idea.

8. “Until I get this torture thing all straightened out, it’s probably legal for your dad to water-board you if you don’t fess up who ate the last of the Ben & Jerry’s”. We don’t want to panic the kids or give Republican dads any ideas.

9. “If your parents don’t support this new health care movement, what they are really saying is they want you dead!” Hey, it’s a little inflammatory.

10. “That Sarah Palin is one fine lookin’ ho”. See #’s 4, 5, 6, and 7 above.

Seriously, what could he possibly say that would be offensive or destructive? I mean, despite all the rhetoric, he's a father too! And a politician who probably wants to seek another term. What do these people think he is going to do? Get up there and incite a riot?

If Mr. Obama came out and said that the world would be a better place if Republicans and Democrats learned how to get along. That he really wants to do a great job for all Americans, not just Democrats. That the future of this great country is highly dependent on how well the kids do in school. That they should study hard and go to college. That they should prepare themselves to secure good paying jobs that make a difference in how we all live. That they should stay away from gangs, and drugs, and guns, and spend time at the library or playing sports instead. If he came out and said all these things, the right would, I’m sure, find a way to condemn him for it. And that’s a very sad thing.

I’m routing for you Mr. President.

Common Sense

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